


Requited

by FanWP



Category: syndisparklez mianite jordan maron tom cassell captiansparklez syndicate
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of surgery, Requited Love, but just as friends, he doesn’t know what to do with himself, jordan is in love, jordan maron hanahaki disease, minor fluff between jordan and sonja, sonja is a mother hen, syndisparklez, tom is oblivious but we love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21624883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanWP/pseuds/FanWP
Summary: Jordan has never had time for love. sure, the occasional girlfriend or fling that never really goes anywhere, but he'd never say he'd been in love before.But that becomes a lie when Thomas Cassell steps into his life, and he has to face the ugly side of love when he begins coughing up flowers.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Past relationships mentioned, Tom Cassell/Jordan Maron, William Tucker Boner/Sonja Reid
Kudos: 46





	Requited

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i don’t really post here, and there are supposed to be some italicized stuff but idk if that transfers from wattpad to ao3 so...guess we’ll find out. please enjoy :)

\- 2014

jordan has never had time for love, never seen the point of it really. his mother had done just fine without a man in her life, and he had done just fine without a woman in his. when his fans bring up his love life he always rolls his eyes and waves away the questions, focusing more on whatever he's streaming at the time. when an old friend named tom invites him onto his server to stream a few episodes, it doesn't even cross his mind that this could change his whole life. the first time he jumps onto the world tom greets him, cheerful as ever and jordan can hear the smile in his voice. it makes him smile too, and he thinks that day on the server is probably the best he's ever had. the next days are great too, and he finds himself enjoying the series even if tom targets him a little unfairly sometimes, or the people who run the server are frustratingly cryptic. he has fun, and gets to hang out with his friends.

\- 2015

he and sonja are on team speak, talking about nothing in particular when sonja brings up tom. "you guys have been getting awful close lately, i think tucker's getting jealous."

jordan laughs, relaxing back into his office chair as he edits. "tell him we can share, enough of him for the both of us," sonja giggles and jordan feels a happy feeling blossom in his chest, he loves making his friends laugh and be happy, it's one of the things he looks forward to every day.

"but seriously, you guys are spending an awful lot of time together. isn't he going to visit you next week?" jordan nods, and then remembers she can't see him and switches back over to their skype call where her face pops up onto his screen and he can see the curiosity dancing in her eyes.

"yeah, well- more like visit tucker, we're all just going out to grab a few drinks next wednesday." sonja nods and leans back in her own chair, fixing him with an innocent gaze.

"so...do you like...have feelings for him?" jordan feels as if he would have taken a spit take if he had been drinking something, but instead chokes on his own air and has to excuse himself for a moment to calm himself.

"why — why would you even-?" sonja holds her hands up in surrender, shrugging a little.

"i don't know, i've just been wondering. i mean, you guys are always texting or playing something together, and you never stop talking about him- i just kind of assumed?" sonja brings her hands to her lap and looks at him apologetically. jordan sighs and places a hand on his face.

"no, it's okay. just surprised me. no, i don't like him. i've never really been big on romance anyway, always seemed like a waste of time to me." sonja nods, and they quietly go back to editing for about an hour before sonja excuses herself and jordan goes to bed, pushing the conversation from his mind.

-

he's drunk, entirely too drunk. the room is spinning and his stomach is rolling in an unpleasant way. the lights seem way too loud and the music is giving him a headache, and he just wants to leave. tom is sitting beside him, just as, if not more, drunk than jordan himself and he laughs as tom makes a funny joke, even if the sound of it makes his head hurt even more. he goes to leave, but tom pulls him back down beside him, wrapping an arm around jordan's waist tightly as he sings a song about whatever drink he had in his other hand. jordan feels hot, and he's sure his face is on fire, though he's not sure if it's from the headache, the fact tom seems to be a human furnace, or he's blushing at the feeling of tom's fingers digging into his waist fiercely.

eventually the music and lights start to fade into the background and jordan feels like he's about to pass out from exhaustion and he slumps into tom's side, who only holds him tighter and this time jordan knows the flush in his face is definitely because of tom. no one says anything about it though, and jordan deals with it until they all finally get up to leave, and tom slowly takes his arm away, and jordan suddenly feels quite alone.

-

jordan knows something is different between him and tom. at least, it is for him. tom seems normal when jordan sees him off back to england at the air port, flirting with anything and everything, cracking jokes, being himself. but jordan can't help but catch himself staring at the dimple in his cheek when he smiles or noticing the warmth in his heart whenever tom laughs. it's almost a cruel joke he thinks, his mind drifting to the conversation he and sonja had had just a week before. he knows what he's feeling, he's self aware and has enough self respect to know when he likes someone or not, and he knows he likes tom, but isn't it convenient that right after he had said he wasn't interested in romance, it had just hit him in the face?

it hadn't helped that after the 'Bar Incident' tom had become progressively more and more touchy, to the point where jordan had stopped flinching every time tom rested his legs across his lap or laid his head on jordan's shoulder. tucker had been kind of weirded out, he could tell, but he hadn't said anything and jordan was grateful, because he wasn't even sure if he was okay feeling this way towards one of his closest friends.

-

jordan felt the ache of toms absence like a ton of bricks the following week and jordan had to crush the urge to text tom multiple times. it wouldn't do to talk to the person who was causing him such mental turmoil and possibly ruin things before they had even begun.

but he can't escape toms sweet voice over team speak, can't stop himself from staring sometimes when they are all on call with face cam on. can't stop the dreams he begins having, where tom flies back to america and declares his undying love.

and he can't escape the slow burning in his lungs.

it's small, at first. like an itch or a scratch and jordan drinks some water and hopes it goes away.

it doesn't. the itch persists and grows with every day until it's almost a burn and jordan feels the urge to cough every time he attempts to speak. it gets worse when he speaks to tom it seems, but no matter how much he tries to avoid him, tom always manages to squeeze his way back in and the burning continues until one day the dam breaks. 

it's rainy out, gloomy and sad and depressing but jordan's laughing because of something sonja said and suddenly tom pops into the conversation, voice way too flirty for him to handle. "hey sparklez, how'do ya feel about going on a date with me? i can show you a good time,"

jordan can almost feel the eyebrow wiggle tom had included in that sentence and he rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to respond when he suddenly feels as if he's going to throw up.

"be right back," he manages before throwing off his headset and running towards the bathroom where he leans over the toilet, bracing himself for whatever it is to come up. he begins coughing and he shuts his eyes tightly, clutching at his chest, eyes stinging from the burning in his throat. when it finally stops and jordan has caught his breath he falls back onto the bathroom wall and sinks to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his head on them. he hears his phone go off in the other room and sighs, getting up and preparing to flush the toilet when his eye catches sight of something pink floating in the water. he does a double take, and almost really hurls at the sight. petals. _flower_ _petals_. _hanahaki disease_.

he stares into the water for a few more moments, his mind racing when his phone goes off again. slowly he makes his way back into his office and sits down, placing his headphones on. "hey, uh. i have to end the stream a bit early today guys, something came up and i- i have to go." tom and sonja wish him goodbye, and he can hear their concern but can't bring himself to reassure them that everything is alright as he ends the stream and shuts everything on his computer down until he's staring at a blank screen.

his phone chimes again and he picks it up, reading toms messages.

_tom, 1:46pm: u good dude?_

_tom, 1:54pm: sparklez? are u okay man?_

_tom, 1:59pm: hey what happened? didn't scare u off with my flirting did i?;)_

jordan tells him no and that he just doesn't feel well before making his way back to the bathroom, where the petals still float lifelessly in the water. tears form in his eyes and a flash of anger — at himself, at the world, at tom, he isn't sure — surges through him and he angrily blinks the tears away and harshly flushes the toilet, watching the petals disappear down the drain.

\- 2015-2016

he doesn't tell anyone about the petals, does his best to always cough them up in the sink or the toilet, cleaning them up with vigor if he doesn't make it. he knows he should tell someone, knows he should tell tom, or sonja or a doctor. he knows he should have the surgery but the thought of never loving tom that way again, never seeing him the same way ever again, makes him hesitate. because as much as he says he doesn't need love, it feels nice to finally have it.

the petals belong to the sedum flower, jordan finds after research. _cure for broken hearts. peace. tranquility_. jordan thinks that there couldn't have been a flower less suited for tom.

and then tom kisses him. it's march twentieth, 2016 and he's at a party, drunk and once again his face is on fire as tom wraps an arm around him and starts talking to the camera. all he can focus on is toms arm on his shoulders and the itching in his lungs. the petals have stayed few and far between, the love he has for tom never really going to another stage other than infatuation and appreciation for his existence. he knows tom, but doesn't really know him in the way he knows he'll have to in order for his love to bloom more fiercely, and he had planned to keep it that way.

but, well, tom kisses him. and the flower suddenly makes sense because when their lips meet all of his worries suddenly melt away and he's calm for the first time since he first saw the petals in the toilet. tom pulls away after only a second but jordan still feels as if he's on cloud nine for an entire hour afterwards, even if he had had to rush to the bathroom and cough up more petals — and blood — than he had seen the entire time he had suffered the disease.

and then the months after hurt like hell because tom acts as if nothing has changed and jordan fucking _hurts_. his heart feels as if it's on fire and every time tom talks about someone he's seeing or hooked up with jordan has to force a smile and fight back his tears, and then cough up more petals and blood later until he's dizzy and he has to lie down for a while.

\- 2017

jordan tells sonja. they're on a call and sonja brings up the kiss, and jordan can't help the tear that manages to escape. sonja is worried as many friends would be, and jordan can't help but let the words tumble from his mouth as sonja listens on in horror. she leaves tucker's place and goes to his where she holds him for an hour until he falls asleep with his head in her lap and her fingers combing through his hair, leaving her with a searing anger in her veins at tom and at the world. she looks at jordan's sleeping face and her gut twists, imagining that same face surrounded by a wooden coffin because she knew he wouldn't have the surgery no matter how much she or tucker would try to convince him.

so she moves his head from her lap and walks outside, and dials tom's number.

_"hey! sonj!"_ toms voice is as cheerful as ever and sonja's mind flashes with the image of jordan in a casket again and the anger flared up again with more vigor.

"thomas." she replies curtly. "we need to talk."

_"what's going on? did something happen to tucker?"_ she can hear the worry in his voice and she almost smiles, but shakes her head and continues.

"jordan has hanahaki." the other end of the line is silent and she can hear shuffling as tom moves around and she almost thinks he hears a sniffle.

_"for who?"_ sonja rolls her eyes and glances back inside to check that jordan is still asleep before she lays into him.

"you, jackass. i wouldn't be calling you about it if it wasn't for you. he's absolutely head over heels in love with you and you've only made it worse with that stupid kissing act you did, and he refuses to get the surgery. you should hear him tom. he sounds horrible, he can barely breathe and when it all comes up...it's horrible." sonja takes a deep breath, and listens to the shaky one tom releases.

_"me? he has it for me? are you sure?"_

"pretty damn sure," sonja says. tom suddenly lets out a laugh and she can hear him jump up and start running around. "why the hell are you laughing?! this is serious thomas!" sonja clenches the phone tightly and she has to be careful to keep her voice low even though she wants to shout at the top of her lungs at him.

_"i have it too."_ tom answers, and she can hear him zip something up. _"i have since i first met him, but it was so small because we fell out for a while. i never told anyone because i thought he would never see me that way but...he loves me sonj, god. i never thought i'd be able to say that."_ sonja smiles at the words and laughs a little, imagining the smile on his face.

"well then get your ass over here, he needs you."

_"already on it."_

\- next day

jordan stares blankly at the tv, not really absorbing whatever is blaring through the speakers nor the fact that his tv is horribly loud. the only thing he can think of, only thing he can focus on is tom. his beautiful, dark eyes and the way he smiles and how much he wants to kiss him, wants to hold him, wants to call him his and let the whole world know that thomas cassel is the love of his life and-

"jordan?" said man jumps, his heart racing, mind going a mile a second because he knows the voice too well, has basically memorized the way the letters sound falling from his mouth, but there's no way tom could be here, he would have called, or texted or warned him that he was coming. but he hadn't, and all he could see anymore was tom standing in his entry way, only one suitcase on the floor beside him, bags under his eyes and his hair a wild mess. "-ordan? jordan? are you okay?"

tom walks forward and gently takes jordan's face in his hands and he almost falls to the ground in a puddle as tom examines his face and frowns at whatever he finds there. "tom, i- why-? why are you here?" jordan leans into the calloused hands on his cheeks and hopes tom doesn't notice.

"i know, that you have hanahaki. sonja told me," jordans eyes snap open and he backs away from tom quickly, betrayal and fear filling his chest and he can feel a familiar burn build in his throat.

"is that why you're here? to play with me? i know it's weird okay! you don't have to rub it in my face, please just-"

"jordan." toms voice is commanding and jordan stops in the middle of his babbling at it, looking at tom with fear laced in his eyes. "i love you too, i have for years. i thought- i thought that you'd find me weird or, or hate me. but i love you." jordans heart swells and he walks forward until he's pressed against tom.

"really?"

"more sure about it than anything else in my life." jordan smiles a bit then, and reaches up just a little gently press his lips to toms.

"i love you too."


End file.
